This is not nearly as depressing as you might think so suspend your disbelief momentarily.

Most of us look up to those who have accomplished their dreams. We mimic and replicate their strategies, fail to achieve the same results, and wonder where things went wrong. I propose a new law of human nature, borrowed from quantum mechanics. The No-cloning law states no advice, framework, or theory will ever identically replicate someone else’s situation, success, or happiness. Survivorship bias and the infinitely varying conditions of the present will forever obfuscate any attempts at reproducing a singular strategy.

There is only one real strategy that will get you to where you want to go. No one will tell you about it since it doesn’t sell books.

Stop obsessing over what other people are telling you to do and invent your own (I love a good paradox). Create the globbiest, lumpest, amalgamation of bits and pieces of wisdom from a body of 99% useless knowledge.

Elegance only exists in our imagination. In the real world, you do whatever is good enough.

With that said, let me present an interesting nugget of my experience to add to your collection of informational knick-knacks.

Absolute dreams

I would argue that most dreams are unrealistic expectations that occasionally come true. Seeing a dream come to fruition is the exception and not the rule. The majority of human experience is rejection and hardship. But in that vulnerable and painful moment, we are confronted with the possibilities of things that I may not have wanted but actually needed. After having my dreams crushed, not once, but multiple times, I realized that I never needed those dreams to begin with. They did not do one lick of good in helping me find happiness and made me realize that we make our own happiness.

I used to believe that dreams were something to derive happiness from, but happiness is something I managed to stumble into like a drunk on Monday morning. Opportunities show up on our doorstep every day. The question is am I too close-minded to accept any other outcome other than what I conceived? I may not have emerged from the cave of treasure with a bag of gold, but I found an equal if not more riches in diamonds.

What can I say? Life works in mysterious ways.

The alternative

I am not suggesting that we melt into the couch and never be seen again. It is healthy to have an aim to aspire to. It infuses drive and passion into our steps. But the problem with dreams is that they can become all-consuming and cause us to ignore what is right in front of us. I certainly have never heard of anyone having a backup dream. Have you?

I wholly believe that having the right vocabulary and awareness about our emotions can teach us to be more conscientious about our headspace and self-talk. So let’s start calling our dreams something healthier instead. How about an ambition?

Ambition is like a dream but with the acknowledgment of its fragility. With ambition, we still can have the fire to push us to greater heights, but it is kinder to ourselves and more accepting of the outcome.

Conclusion

Not only am I not depressed about having my dreams crushed. I am damn happy about it. I’m smiling like a fool who’s laughing at their own inside joke, which perhaps looks insane to the outside world. Getting my dreams crushed was inarguably the best thing to have happened to me.

Flexibility and moving the goalposts of our own happiness are perfectly acceptable if that is what feels right. There are no absolutes in the world, and I certainly don’t recommend believing in absolute dreams.